just shut the fuck up

People really need to stop telling me to commit myself into a psychiatry. Do they know what the fuck they're talking about? As an in-patient, you loose your dignity, your rights, your pride, you're treated like an idiot, you can't say "no" to anything without getting some kind of injection and locked up, strapped to tables, you get your clothes ripped off your body, showered by people in white, they look up your anus for drugs, you don't get a razor and AS A WOMAN you'll have to go unshaved, in ugly in-patient scrubs. When you complain they won't take you seriously. You don't get a computer, no internet, nothing I can keep myself busy with. I need internet, I need my drawing tablet (on the computer), my photography, my friends, my freedom, my pets, my pets will die without me, they'll just give them to the pet shelter where nobody will treat them the way they deserve, they'll just rot away the same way I'd be rotting in the psychiatry. How can people suggest such horrible things? I can't take the thought of going into a crazy house. It's like putting a lion in a zoo. I'm too intelligent and too sensitive. The boredom and the loss of dignity will destroy what good is left of me. I'm not going to such a place. I can't take the panic I feel everytime I even think of it. Here's what happens when you say to me that I should consider going to such a place.
So anyone who as much as suggest I should get committed to a crazy house, is guilty of murdering part of me and pushing me into self-harm and eventually suicide after massive panic attacks. Leave me the fuck alone with this kind of suggestion. You want thsoe horrible things to happen to me that hapen in crazy houses? Ok ,so you don't love me. You don't have to . I know i'm ugly and unlovable. But if you want me to suffer and eventually die, please at least pay me? Asshole. I hope she dies for suggesting such horrible thihngs. Me, in the crazy house. I know I'm mentally ill and need help, but a crazy house won't help, it'll make things worse.
fuck you all to hell and i still hope that bitch from the bus dies.